monday morning mindfulness: my “aha moment” from church
I am so thankful for this online community & I want to be a little more intentional about chatting about things, encouraging one another, & reminding each other that many of us are probably feeling similar things, or have at different times. These monday morning mindfulness posts are going to be little glimpses into my heart & life: the good, the bad & the ugly. So much can be learned from different experiences, especially when you are practicing mindfulness.
With all of that being said, today’s topic is: my “aha moment” from church.
In November I shared a vulnerable blog post opening up about some of my personal struggles from last winter & sharing just how beneficial going to therapy was for me. To recap just a little bit, here’s a little excerpt from the beginning of my post:
Last winter I fell into a really dark place in my life. I experienced a loss that led me to question everything — my career choice, my values + beliefs, & even my faith. For those of you that know me, you know how troubling these doubts + questions were for me. I was deep in a hole that I truly could not see a way out of. I was burnt out & exhausted & couldn’t see a point in anything anymore. (I was by no means feeling suicidal, but I was incredibly lost). This was such a hopeless & heartbreaking place, because deep down I knew that I loved my job; knew that I stood firm in my values & beliefs; knew that I am a loyal Christ follower. I just could not reset myself, no matter what I did.
You can read the full post on my therapy journey by clicking here.
For this post, I’m going to talk about the other half of my healing journey — my journey back to my faith.
A huge part of my job as a school counselor is to help my students understand the “why” to problems they are having. For example: “Why am I always ineligible & can’t play sports I’m interested in?” —> “Because you never turn in your homework.” “Why do I always get in trouble for fidgeting or messing around with stuff in class?” —> “Probably because it’s distracting other students from learning. Let’s try putting pads of velcro on your computer case to mess with quietly, no one will even know it’s there.” <— (This one happens a lot for my kiddos with undiagnosed ADHD). “Why do my parents love drugs more than they love me?” —> “Because sometimes adults get confused on priorities. But you deserve to be loved more than drugs.” The list goes on & on.
So last winter when I experienced a life altering loss, I truly could not come up with an answer to explain why it had happened. Absolutely nothing made sense. After a lot of self-work, I think this is a big part that led to my unraveling. I can’t even really begin to explain how mad & resentful I felt towards God for allowing a situation like this to happen. I forced myself to listen to worship music on repeat because I knew it was what I needed to hear & that somehow God would reach through those songs to make a connection with me again. Let’s just say there were a lot of angry tears shed & angry prayers said during this period of time.
More than a year later, I’m in a much better place now! & the reason I’m bringing all of this up again is because I had an “aha moment” in church this weekend. (An “aha moment” is a term we use in the helping profession when you’re working on something with someone & something said finally makes it all click for them. A lot of times you’ll be able to physically see the “aha moment” on their faces. It’s pretty cool to watch!) My aha moment happened because my pastor was explaining the difference between reasons vs purposes. As someone who always tries to find an explanation for the “why” this message was very eye-opening.
I’m going to link the sermon here in case you are interested in listening to hear a deeper dive into what he was talking about.
